Have you ever met one of those little creatures that whine, scream and make a big scene?
Yes, I’m talking about toddlers. Those fabulous little people that can throw the most sophisticated tantrums you can dream of.
Well, I’ve got some good news for you. If you happen to have one at home, and you’d like for them to turn into a spoilt brat, I have a list of 30 great ideas that could benefit you. If you don’t believe me, you just need to test some of the points in the list below, and lay back to see the magic work.
Now, to be perfectly honest, if you choose to apply all 30 points, I wish you the best of luck (I truly do), and I ask that we never become friends.
So here we go:
- Never say no to a toddler.
- Give them the chance to explore the house without any limits.
- Let them climb over all the furniture.
- While they’re at it, let them jump on the furniture as well. It’s a good way to get kicked out of your friends’ houses.
- Let them eat their lunch on their beds and on the couches.
- Make sure that they drop the sauce while they’re at it. Let them spill all the sauce until the very last drop, and then let them lick it up to make it disappear (it never will, but they can keep trying).
- If they don’t like the meal you’ve cooked, be prepared to cook another one. If that second meal doesn’t work either, cook a third, and keep on going until they are finally satisfied with the food you’ve prepared.
- Let them eat with their hands. With their feet. With whatever makes them happy. Happiness is the key to successful kids, so let them enjoy their lunch as much as they can. Who knows, maybe they’ll become a successful CEO one day.
- Let them wipe their mouth with the back of their hands. It’s perfect for their etiquette.
- Spoilt kids don’t use tissues, so never hand them one while they’re eating, painting or doing any other activity that makes their hands dirty.
- Then, make sure that they touch their hair, clothes, face, and every other single part of their body (and yours) to leave a good print of the fun they’ve had.
- Spoilt kids always have the last word, so if you’re negotiating with them, make sure they win the argument.
- Actually, to be more accurate, spoilt kids don’t argue, they just win the battle by simply pointing their fingers at whatever they want. On the bright side, it saves you a lot of talking (and calories too).
- Let them sing and scream as loud as they can, or else they’ll just be like all the regular kids out there. A good measure is to count the number of heads that turn in your direction. Basically, the more the better.
- Let them give orders and instructions to everyone they meet. Remember that they could turn into a future CEO one day, so let them start practising early.
- Never teach them magic words such as “please” or “thank you”, as they’ll never need them. It would tarnish their image, and we don’t want that to happen.
- As a matter of fact, never teach them any words, since they just need to use only one word: No.
- Don’t potty train them, as it’s asking them for too much effort. Let them wear the diaper as long as they want. When they’re ready, they’ll let you know (hopefully this will happen before their graduation).
- Let them choose when to wear and when to take their clothes off. If they want to walk topless around town, that’s fine. If they choose to wear the same pair of pants for five consecutive days, that’s also fine. As long as they get to choose, that’s what counts.
- While you’re at it, let them sleep with their clothes on, if they feel like doing so.
- Hygiene is not important, so you can skip it, if that’s what they want.
- And then, if they happen to fall in love with their bubble bath, and choose to spend 5 hours in it, let them enjoy it.
- If they’re registered in a nursery or pre-school and find it hard to wake up in the morning, let them rest at home for another hour or two. If you’re running late to the office, take the risk of losing your job, it’s not as important as nourishing the personality of a spoilt child. Remember, that’s a unique skill and you’re excelling at it, so keep going.
- Never introduce them to house chores. That’s how spoilt kids are made.
- In other words, they don’t need to put back their toys when they’re done playing.
- Let them throw their toys, or anything else that they can touch, around the house. Throwing is a good sign of spoiling your kids.
- If they happen to break a vase or an expensive item while they’re throwing their toys around, never scream at them as that might terrify them.
- Let them do the same in public places or your friends’ houses too. Consistency is important.
- Never teach them to share, whether it’s their own toys or other kids’ toys that they just happen to be playing with.
- Let them play with your stuff, especially the expensive ones. As a matter of fact, invite them to do so: open your closet, show them where your clothes, shoes, ties, scarves, and handbags are, and let them play. They’ll love it. Especially the make-up!
So there you go, this list is a good starting point for building and raising highly spoilt kids. It doesn’t sound like a difficult challenge, but then, if you do choose to implement all 30 points, remember that you and I can’t be friends for a very long time.
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