One of the most happy, challenging and overwhelming relationships that a woman can be in, is the one she has with her kids…
And one of the greatest concerns that I have as a new mom is how to best educate my baby to turn her into a happy and accomplished woman, a concern that is shared by many other moms that I meet every day.
So, I can’t keep but wondering: what is it with educating our kids that makes us that anxious as moms?
Well, to start with we are programmed to be ‘instinctive philosophers’, developed in such a way that it is practically part of our DNA to worry about our kids and decide on their behalf what suits them best…
Until they are old enough to determine this on their own (said no mom ever!).
So meanwhile, we spend our loving energy showing them the right way to do thing, the best ‘path’ to success, the shortcuts to happiness… all this in an effort to give them a better life than we did.
But what if this over-protection was just an illusion to make us feel better, but is doing more harm than good to our kids?
What if the real key to a happy(er) life is in the mistakes that our kids make and not in the shortcuts that we provide them?
I listen to many moms who treat their kids as if they were little reflections of themselves. They expect them to mirror what they do and what they like, so much that they get astounded when they discover that in fact their kids developed their preferences, likes, hobbies … and lives!
This frightens them because…
Well simply because it is not their comfort zone.
They don’t know what do to with this difference, how to deal with it and whether they should nurture it or stop it.
So with this, I wonder how I could raise my daughter by giving her enough space to develop into her own person.
My fear today is to suffocate her by having too much of me inside her head.
Truth is, I want my daughter to be happy, and for this to happen she needs to make mistakes of her own and discover by herself what suits her most, so she can become the best of herself.
And I should learn to be fine with this, as I went through the same in my life and learned from my own mistakes.
With this in mind I learn to discover everyday, with her, how to best educate her and I do keep in mind that what suits her today might not necessarily suit her sibling(s) – should there be any in the future.
Education is a continuous process that parents need to discover on a daily basis, and that requires to be customized to each child. It is not a ‘knowledge-bundle’ that we import into our kids’ minds to program them into ‘smarter’ or ‘happier’ kids, but rather a path that leads to a more independent and happier child.
A happy girl leads to a happy woman – one who knows which carrier to pursue, which men to be with, when to have kids of her own and more importantly, one who learns how to appreciate what she has.
And I am a strong believer that this type of happiness happens only when we give our kids the space to be themselves.
And today, I still need to discover how to make this happen…
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